gay rights

All posts tagged gay rights

How NC’s Amendment One Will Turn America into China (And Other Foolish Points)

Published April 23, 2012 by April Fox

What happens if amendment one passes:

1: Homos run amok, using their incredible mind control powers to hypnotize all the heteros and force them to marry in the same bigoted backwoods churches that sentenced them to hell for putting their wieners on other boys’ wieners. (Lesbians are ok, per most clergy. They got that shit on Cinemax late at night and it’s pretty hot. But still, gay is gay, so they can’t marry-but they can keep doing it on TV.)

2. Homos can’t reproduce, so they must acquire their children from China. All of these Chinese babies turn gay, because homo parents raise homo babies, and vice versa. (Don’t ask me how all the gay people got here in the first place. This isn’t the time or place for logic, folks.) Chinese homo married couples have to adopt more Chinese babies. America turns into China. No more “America Bless God” bumper stickers on SUV’s. Chaos ensues.

Obviously, gay marriage really IS the downfall of America.

Of course, if this was the time and place for logic, what would happen is that gay people would be allowed to get married just like straight people can, and our government wouldn’t look like a bunch of inbred perverts who care more about where your dick spent last night than the fact that more than one in four children in this state are living in poverty. They may be hungry, but at least they won’t grow up and marry a got-dang homo. Priorities, people, right?

“Gay rights” do not exist. They are civil rights, afforded to every citizen. We are not divided into Gay America and Straight America, Gay North Carolina and Straight North Carolina. Stop acting like we are.

Why the Religious Right is Scared of Old Ladies

Published March 13, 2012 by April Fox

This photo has been passed around on Facebook all day today. I don’t know who took it-if anyone does, let me know, so I can give the photographer proper credit-but I do know this: it’s absolutely terrifying. These women are the biggest threat facing our society today. Our entire nation is at risk because of these ladies and others like them.

Yes, I realize that one of them apparently uses a wheelchair for mobility, and that they appear to be old enough to be grandmothers, and that they are both smiling in such a way that makes you believe that they couldn’t even think about hurting another human being. I don’t know these women; all I know about them is that they are the first couple to have gotten married in New York under the state’s new marriage equality law. But that, my friends, is all we need to know.

If these women were sisters, the photo would be a beautiful testament to family love. If they were friends since kindergarten, having gotten each other through decades of hard times, we’d be applauding the duration of such a bond. If they were long-lost cousins, caregiver and patient, strangers even, this would be a lovely and touching photograph. But because they are wife and wife, the love you see here is deemed sinister, evil, WRONG, you liberal fucking hippies, don’t you know what this means?

The religious right would have you believe that these women pose some kind of threat to the sanctity of marriage. [I believe someone needs to buy Mr. Gingrinch, et al, a dictionary, because quite a few people seem to think that “sanctity of marriage” means “WHEEE! I get to do it with a whole bunch of ladies who aren’t my wife, as long as I make sure everyone knows that I think two boys doing it is icky.”] I can’t quite figure out what kind of threat Phyllis and Connie here pose to anyone. I’m not the first person to point out that if you don’t want to marry a gay person, you don’t have to. If you don’t want to attend a gay wedding, you don’t have to. If you want to scan the wedding announcements in the paper and give a derisive little snort every time you see a same-sex announcement, you have every right to do so, but I hope you snort hot coffee out your nose and onto your crotch, because you’re kind of a dick.

“It’s against god,” they say. Here’s a thought for ya: separation of church and state. We’re talking legal marriage rights here. Legal is the one with the courtroom. Religious is the one with the priests who like to diddle little boys. To recap: grown-up ladies marrying each other: bad. Grown-up men diddling little boys: good. Does that about cover it? If you want to believe in a god who thinks that starving babies and war and little boy-diddlers are cool but boys kissing boys is the ultimate in bad, bad, really really icky bad, knock yourself out, but that still has nothing to do with whether or not adults should have the LEGAL (say it with me, friends: leeee-gallll) right to get married.

Todd Snider, a popular folk singer/storyteller said it best: “Gay marriage is what scares people who don’t have shit-all else to worry about.”

Ain’t that the truth, friends.

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