It’s been one of those days that leaves me stuck for words, tangled up in wishing for a little break from all the sad things going on. So here, again, are some recent photos of sunshiney things and clouds and bugs and other such things that make me slow down and remember that things can be ok in increments, even when the rest of life is not.
So in the past few days, I’ve been told that I’m not competent to run a cash register because of the color of my hair, my microwave died, and the driver’s side window on my car is apparently going through a rebellious phase and refuses to go up half the time. I spent all day yesterday pounding the pavement (literally; I was pissed off and stomping up the sidewalk) looking for jobs, and I got two offers: one from an old drunk who offered me 20 bucks to go to the drum circle that had been held the night before, and one from a guy who wants to dress me up and take my picture. (That one seems legit, and I might go for it.)
Now I have “The Boxer” in my head. I don’t think there’s a Seventh Avenue here, though.
Anyway. I’m in a funk. A big, sucky, stinky, fuck-the-world-and-everything-in-it funk.
And then driving home today, I’m talking to beloved about the photo shoot thing, and he tells me he doesn’t care for the shots I did a few years ago, because I don’t look like me in them. [In my mind, that’s a good thing. I’m not the least photogenic, and the only way I like being in front of the camera is if I don’t look like myself. And these were for a zombie calendar, so it’s probably good that I don’t always look bloody and half-eaten.] And then a minute later, out of the blue, I catch him looking at me (and not the road-it’s a good thing he drives like a little old man) and he says, “You’re pretty. I like looking at you.”
And then I remembered that I was on the way home to our little house, and my babies would be home soon, and that every day I get to wake up next to the nicest man in the world, with the knowledge that I created the most amazing kids in the world, and the funk didn’t leave but I got a little of my fuck-off attitude back and I decided not to let it take away all my happiness.
So I came home and fed the dog, and looked at my little world through happier eyes, and captured a bit of it on film. I needed a bit of pretty today. Here is what I found.