Barbie

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Skinny Bitch Barbie Meets Her Curvy Match

Published January 28, 2016 by April Fox

Move over, skinny bitch. There’s a new Barbie in town.

Before I go any further, let me say that I think it’s great that there are new dolls for little kids to play with, featuring different body types and skin tones. When my younger daughter was small, she tended to gravitate toward the “Hispanic” dolls, because they had dark hair and sort-of light skin, like she did. Baby girl was thrilled when I finally found her a doll with fair skin, brown hair, blue eyes, and freckles. It’s cool for kids to have dolls they can relate to, no doubt.

barbie

photo: USA Today

From what I’ve seen on social media, though, people are talking far more about the new “curvy” Barbie than they are about the others, and along with that come the inevitable snarky complaints about Old Barbie.

I’ve written about Barbie before, when there was a trend of parents refusing to let their daughters play with the dolls because apparently, they promote unrealistic ideas of beauty and are a bad influence on malleable little girls. Never mind that no child has yet died of shock upon discovering that real ponies don’t have sparkly pink manes and tattooed bottoms, and I have never heard of a little one growing up to have low self-esteem because they didn’t live on a street with giant yellow birds and trash can-dwelling monsters as neighbors. Kids know what toys are. I loved Barbie when I was a kid, and by the time I was old enough to worry about how big my boobs might eventually be, I was old enough to realize that I came from a long line of petite women. I looked at my mother and grandmother and I never once imagined that I would somehow grow up to be the snarky, gloomy, pink-haired counterpart of Dolly Parton, just because I had a doll with large breasts. Barbie was no different than Strawberry Shortcake or that weird baby doll I had that would walk into walls, teeter around, and walk back to me like some kind of tiny plastic drunkard.

But he were are with the new curvy Barbie, and all of a sudden Barbie isn’t bad because she’s too curvy (that word changes definition depending on who’s using it, it would appear); now she’s bad because she’s too skinny. She’s still “unrealistic.” The new Barbie shows a normal body type, right?

Let me tell you, today I more closely resemble NAMBLA Fantasy Ken* from the waist up than Malibu Barbie, but after my third child was born, I was under a hundred pounds, wearing a size 0 jeans (yes that is a real size, no I never starved myself to get there), and sporting a generous D cup. If you don’t think that’s some serious reality there, I’d be happy to let you have all the bruises I got from knocking those suckers (haha) into walls and door frames and such. That was a very real body type, and while for me it went away quickly, some women are just made like that.

And so while it may seem silly to be having this kind of conversation over a plastic doll, I think it’s important to keep things in perspective: what you say to your daughters is what matters. Talk to them about beauty and diversity and brains and challenges and strengths. Teach them to love who they are and to strive to keep their bodies and minds as healthy as they can. Buy them the big-boobie doll and the average-size doll and please please buy them the ones with the colored hair, because I love it when little kids see me out and shriek that I look just like their favorite doll. Buy them the brown ones and the white ones and the ones with wheelchairs and the ones that pee when you force water down them with a plastic squeezy bottle. Buy them cars and trucks and blocks and footballs and bubbles, lots and lots of bubbles, and more art supplies than you can really afford, and books and bicycles and sparkly shoes and cowboy hats and dinosaurs that roar when you press their scaly bellies. Get down on the floor and play with them. This Barbie is a doctor, this one is a teacher, this one is a mommy, this one is a magical fairy princess with an invisible unicorn sidekick, this one is the president.

You are the most important plaything that your child has. She looks to you to determine who she will be one day. Don’t teach her to be someone who believes that worth is determined by the mold you were poured into. Give poor Barbie a break and let’s help them all be friends. Those knockers are a tough burden to carry, after all.

*Please don’t take me to prison for typing that phrase.

https://aprilfox.net/2014/02/19/barbie-taking-our-daughters-to-the-dark-side-one-pink-stiletto-step-at-a-time/

Barbie: Taking Our Daughters to the Dark Side, One Pink Stiletto Step at a Time

Published February 19, 2014 by April Fox

When I was a kid, playing with Barbie was a given. Little girls played Barbie, little boys played G.I. Joe, and once you all hit about twelve, your moms quit allowing you to play with both of them together because dammit, Barbie’s not a hooker.

But maybe she is.

I’ve heard a surprising number of mothers say they won’t let their daughters play with Barbie because she’s a bad influence and promotes an unrealistic ideal of beauty to young girls. Okay, first of all, your average girl of Barbie-playing age thinks the height of beauty is bright turquoise eyeshadow, a sparkly tank top that looks like it came off the rack at Discount Drag, your grandmother’s old Easter bonnet and a pair of Dora the Explorer slippers. I’m pretty sure Barbie’s color-coordinated outfits are an improvement.

She has long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a figure that looks like she got her chest stuck in an industrial vacuum for about four years. Yeah, the boobs are a bit much. I admit, after six kids I look at Barbie lying there all perky after, what, fifty-some years? and when my kid isn’t looking, I slam those pointy little plastic suckers in the kitchen drawer a few times, just for spite. But really? Come on. Kids are surrounded by women of all shapes, sizes, colors… do you really think your daughter is going to grow up with a complex because she doesn’t resemble a hunk of plastic? Nobody raises a fuss because they think their kids are going to grow up depressed because they don’t have giant, misshapen heads like Dora. I have four boys and not one of them has ever screamed from the bathroom, aghast because they’re not eunuchs like all those plastic action figures they play with.

The fact is, some women do have lovely figures and long, shiny hair. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people or less worthy of your respect than anyone else. It’s unacceptable to look down on someone because they’re not conventionally attractive, or they’re overweight, or learning delayed. People do it, but it’s not considered something you do in polite company. So why is it okay to belittle the worth of this poor plastic lady? Yes, I’m anthropomorphizing the doll, because-to use a phrase common in the age group that likes to play with her-you started it. When you say your child can’t play with Barbie because she promotes an unrealistic ideal of beauty, you’re telling her that that is what’s considered attractive, and she might as well give it up.

Beauty vs. the Brain

One of the big arguments I hear is “I want to raise my daughter to know that beauty doesn’t matter, and brains do,” or some minor variation thereof. The thing is, I have two girls that happen to have copious amounts of both qualities, and I’m quite sure mine aren’t the only ones. Now, what are you going to say? Are you going to pretend my girls are the only ones with good looks and smarts? Or are you going to–wait for it–tell me that all parents feel that way about their kids? Maybe even get a little defensive and tell me your kids are bright and beautiful too?

Of course they are. They all are. So rather than telling your daughter she has to be one or the other, why not reinforce that not only will she be both, she already is? I don’t mean you should streak her hair and stick her in miniskirts when she’s five. I’m not saying teach her that she has to look like all the little tarts on the teen soap operas. I’m saying let her cultivate her own beauty along with her brains, and appreciate them both. And in doing that, you have to learn to appreciate your own. If you complain constantly about your post-kid belly or your frizzy hair and then turn on Barbie and accuse her of being a fake plastic tramp, you’re the one teaching your child that there’s a narrow definition of beauty-not the doll. Rather than pointing out how unrealistic Barbie’s perfect shiny hair is, point out how pretty it is when the sunlight catches your daughter’s curls on the playground. Quit slamming Barbie’s poor exaggerated breasts in the drawer and take a minute to think about what yours have seen you through.

When she does well on a test, praise her. When she puts on a new dress, tell her she looks pretty. When she scores a goal in her soccer game, be the loudest voice on the sidelines. Celebrate all of her gifts, not just the ones that aren’t obvious at first glance. Allow her to decide who she is-don’t limit her with your own insecurity.

About that Bad Influence Thing

Okay, so Barbie is a bad influence because she’s hot. Let’s look at the reality of this, shall we? First, she’s plastic. Seriously. Not plastic as in manufactured pop star, but actual plastic, injection molded chemical compounds or whatever the heck she’s made out of. It’s not like she’s whispering in your kid’s ear at night, telling her to pray to the goddess Britney Spears and eat nothing but honeydew melon.

As far as her lifestyle, she lives in a nice house (several, if you’ve kept up with the upgrades over the years) and drives a cute little convertible. She takes her sweet fluffy pets with her on vacation in her RV. Yeah, she went through that kind of tacky “Barbie and the Rockers” phase back in the 80’s, but come on, she’s not even fully jointed; it’s not like she could gyrate or anything. And to top all that off, she was with the same guy for her entire life, and if you’ve ever taken Ken’s pants off, you know there wasn’t any hanky-panky going on.

It’s not like she just sat around eating plastic bon-bons, either. Barbie may be a hottie, but she’s no slacker. She’s been a veterinarian, a teacher, a pediatrician and a businesswoman, among other things. If anything, Barbie is the ultimate feminist symbol: she’s gorgeous, wealthy, takes care of herself, has more degrees than South Florida on an August afternoon, and hangs out with a guy who’s been emasculated. Have you seen those stilettos she wears? Man-killers if I ever saw any, am I right? This isn’t some soft little bimbo teaching our girls to pucker up and have dinner on the table when the man walks through the door; this is a renaissance woman, evolving with the times and showing generations of little girls that they can be anything they imagine they can.

*I first wrote this for Yahoo! several years ago. I feel compelled to point that out, so they don’t come along and try to sue me for reprinting my own work or something.

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