i said,
in my sleep,
i want
everything
whispered, face turned away
from the sleeping back beside me
i took it back almost immediately
just in case
my voice might have carried

kept inside
the selfish bits
wander loose from time to time
wanting
everything
always to be
the only thing

my system of belief is flawed and perfect
the only true religion and like any good
follower
i hear what i want to hear
and make believe the rest*

every second taken is a million years away
from where i was
every second given, crushed
and trampled
under quick-retreating feet
blue painted toenails in combat boots
i gave the world a tiny peek
i wish i’d kept it that way
always

tired, in my waking sleep i whisper
i want
everything
to be the only
thing
that ever could be
always
i want something
only mine
selfish greed, and i am
unapologetic
in my haste.

*with apologies to simon and garfunkel, whose sentiment has clearly leaked into my head today.