i am
black thoughts dripping through
my fingers, weak and helpless
this is well beyond
my comprehension
my words have all been trampled
into dust

so i held her tight
offered donuts and chocolate
fried chicken from the deli
held open the trash bag
while we tidied up the place
she had to be

there is no understanding here
i can see her mother’s smile,
hear mammaw’s paper-voice and i can
feel her father’s hand
against my back as if i were
family too
and i am
fighting the reality
(friday night, sitting on the floor
trying to wake up
i haven’t yet)
i don’t know what to say
there is nothing i can do

her dog sleeps, restless at my child’s feet
i wonder if he feels alone
like this.