sorrow and anger

Published July 17, 2011 by April Fox

i got into a pretty heated argument yesterday with someone i considered a friend. his daughter and mine were friends, we’d spent time hanging out together; for the past year or so we commiserated over single parenthood and financial strife and all the other things we had in common. i thought he was an open-minded, compassionate, sane person.

then i found out how he felt about gay people.

first he said he didn’t believe in gay marriage. i was curious and asked why. usually, people hold that view because of their religious beliefs. while i don’t necessarily think that’s right, i can understand and appreciate that they are basing their opinions on something that they feel makes sense. it’s not just arbitrary discrimination; they interpret their sacred text, something that shapes their lives, as saying that it’s wrong. i can’t expect you to respect my religious views if i don’t respect yours, and in those cases, we agree to disagree and move on. that isn’t the case here, though. this person had no logical or theological basis for his view. he repeatedly contradicted himself when trying to make his points, and he never answered a single question that i or anyone else asked in an attempt to understand his point of view.

the final straw was when he referred to homosexual people as “sexual predators.”

it makes me sick just to type that.

it makes me sad to think that my daughter can no longer play with his little girl-but i refuse to allow my children to be around anyone with such a dangerous mindset. if you disagree with gay marriage or with gay people being parents and i understand why, i can explain it to my children. it’s not hard to say “miss suzy believes in a religion that says that’s not ok. we believe something different, and here is why.” but even with all the words in my vocabulary, i don’t have the right ones to explain hate and cruelty. i have no idea how to explain something so distorted and illogical to my children.

this person kept talking about “tolerance” and how he was the tolerant one, and i was intolerant of him because i refused to accept his belief that gays shouldn’t be allowed to get married. HELL YES i’m intolerant of him. i will not tolerate hate and bigotry. i don’t HAVE to tolerate those things. i don’t want them in my life, or in my kids’ lives.

i have some wonderful friends who happen to be gay. there is one woman in particular who has been a second mother to my children. when we were going through a really hard time, my kids spent the night with her. my little one curled up in her bed with her and went to sleep. i was grateful that she was able to give my baby that comfort. it never once crossed my mind-i don’t even want to type this, it has me near tears-to think that she might abuse my child in any way. she’s a loving, caring, giving woman, raising her own child and doing an incredible job, and she is one of the very few people with whom i trust my babies. i know another gay couple who adopted and are raising two wonderful little girls. the girls are polite, intelligent, well-behaved… damaged in NO WAY by being raised by two mothers. it’s reprehensible for anyone-especially a single father raising a child who isn’t biologically his own-to imply that a parent might abuse a child based simply on his or her gender or sexuality.

i’ve seen this kind of hate from a distance and been enraged by it. i never thought i’d experience it from someone i thought was a friend. i’m confused and sad and very, very angry. it’s hard enough knowing that there are people i love who are denied the same rights that i have, because of ignorant people like this guy. to see it firsthand like this is sickening.

3 comments on “sorrow and anger

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