full-grown cabbage and kitten angst

Published July 7, 2010 by April Fox

so i’m driving down the road today with my eight-year-old (almost nine! she’s quick to point out) and all of sudden she makes some exclamation of wonder, something like “whoa, look at that!”

i look around expecting to see a princess riding by on a pony or perhaps one of those horrid little robot-like disney “actors” she likes so much, but all i see is the traffic light, the cheapo gas station and the dinky little produce stand. it was the sign on the produce stand that caught her attention. “they have a FULL-GROWN CABBAGE for twenty-five cents! can you BELIEVE that? now THAT is a good deal!”

a full-grown cabbage. for twenty-five cents. that really is something you don’t see often. i was appropriately impressed.

a few minutes later she was sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s office (my left arm now looks like i was possessed by the spirit of a dead emo kid, thanks to psycho kitty’s love of being in a place that smells like a gazillion other animals, and my obstinate refusal to let him explore the place on his own) looking at the newspaper. she ends up on an ad for some grocery store, and starts pondering the selection. after a minute she asks if she can play with my phone. i hand it over without thinking-she’s always writing silly things in the notepad on there. then i notice she keeps looking at the newspaper, then typing on the phone, then looking back at the paper… i peek over her shoulder and she has the calculator up.

“zoey… are you adding up the cost of the things you want to buy from that ad?”

“well… yes. is $2.99 a good price for a whole watermelon? it’s seedless, so you’re not paying for the seeds.”

ok, one: the next time her dad accuses me of blowing too much money, remind me to tell him about this encounter. she learned this behavior from somewhere. it wasn’t him.

and two: if your toddler is obsessed with those little coupon dispensers in the store, be afraid. this is what’s coming. i fully expect that by the time she’s twenty she’ll own a five bedroom house, and four of them will be filled with paper towels and ear wax removal kits she got on sale for half price.

i wish my grandma was still here. she was always griping about grandpa getting everything he saw that was buy one, get one free. “now what do i need forty-eight rolls of toilet tissue for? i’m old, i won’t live long enough to use them.” she’d get a kick out of this.

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